CONTEST ENTRY- Sharmina’s essay on definition of a real man, her relationship with her mother, and motherhood

Often times I ponder on traits about the opposite sex and for the life of me and still puzzled! Is it because I am a female with an open mind? Is it because I am the mother of a six year old man in the making? Perhaps it’s because I have chosen to mate with men, and as it stands am still trying to figure out what is the Essence of A Man…..

I pose the Question to both Men and Women: What is the Definition of a Real Man? I am not bias, nor is this just about Opposite Sex(s). This passage is about Women who Love Men, Women who Love to Hate Men, as well as Men Who Love Men and Men Who Love to Hate Men……

I grew up in a family of Two Parents both Mother and Father, and am the oldest of four. I have a sister (RIP) and two younger brothers. From back as far as I can recall my Father was the Envy of my Eyes. I thought that he could do no wrong and was the most masculine man that I knew. He was strong, determined, the life of the party and the apple of mine and everyone else’s eye. I worshiped the ground that my father walked on for reasons that are very clear to me, even till this very day.

My father is an awesome provider, goal oriented, loving and very nurturing to not just me but my siblings as well. My mother was sometimes timid, but very smart and strong willed and in my eyes stood as a shadow in my father’s world. My mother would always “play her role” as wife, mother, domestic diva extraordinaire and I loved that about her. Our house was spotless, food always ready(3 plus square meals) and we always seemed to have the latest and greatest. It was a wonderful life, and then one day the lights came on.

I began to recognize my mother’s true role…she was and still is the backbone of my family. In other words she is the nucleus. My father was a soldier in the United States Army and was often out of the country and or the home to say the least. In retrospect, I viewed my father as the smarter of my two parents and this was because my mother always spoke of how wise and wonderful my father was. I followed suite! I never really paid attention to the fact that my father was missing in action a vast majority of the time due to the “Military Lifestyle”. My mother was at home being the Black Martha Stewart and Betty Crocker to not just four children but her two youngest siblings as my grandmother had chosen to “Take Some Time Off from Parenting” or one could define it as “Doing Her”. Nevertheless it was 6 of us and every once in a while an Uncle or an Aunt who Needed to “Dry Out” (alcohol and drugs make people crazy).

While my mother ran a Daycare, Rehab, Bakery, and Dinning Hall…my father served Uncle Sam. It wasn’t until a few years before I became a mother myself that I began to recognize how much easier my father had it. My mother and father were a young couple with grown couple responsibilities and it wasn’t always easy. I thought that my father made all of the decisions and that he was our saving grace when times were rough. On the contrary my dear Watson. My mother had to make executive decisions and often times gave my father credit where credit wasn’t due. My mother never spoke negatively about my father, yet she could have. My father was the Protector, Hustler(the type of man who could make a $1.00 out of 0.15), and when he spoke everyone listened. I love that about him still.
My father had the Armed Forces and my mother was Forced to serve Arms!

Although I love and respect my father like no other man. I came to the realization that it was and has been my mother who “Held It All Together”. It is my sincere feeling and deepest belief that “The Essence of A Man” is the woman that stands Beside Him.

* Please let me know your definition of a “Real Man”

Best of it all,
Sharmina T.